6 years ago today I posted the following picture on social media. I hadn’t yet announced my diagnosis, hadn’t even grasped the reality of what was happening, just knew it was going to an important reminder for the days to come.
Now, we’re 6 years in and life is crazy because of 2020, pandemic, divorce, etc. I find myself more in the screaming and crying phases rather than my normal sunshiny self. Depression is a real, physically exhausting monster that I’m working hard to fight. Anxiety is creeping into my actions, the additional weight of emotions dragging me down. Recently I had the internal conversation of “Is this even what I want to do with my life?” And I’m proud to tell you that the answer is simply: no, I want more.
I want more from this life. I want to give more to those around me. I want to be more present, more involved, more satiated with each day. Depression and anxiety are unfortunately part of the equation now, but they aren’t the majority.
Finding purpose has been a major struggle as of late and it’s quite suffocating. ALS is extremely isolating as each loss of function takes over, and that isolation and feelings of inadequacy are contagious. The toxicity of those emotions are hard to survive, and as my sweet Lancer reminded me “it’s ok to not be ok”.
So today is the first day of my desire for more. And what better way to start celebrating life than a good Me day in my favorite small town.
I’m kicking it off with a massage from the great Anne Maloney- check out her main gig, Chic Charcuterie.
Next up is a hair date with Nellie at Studio Picasso. Who doesn’t feel better after getting their hair done?
Wrapping it up with a facial with Amy at Basäle Esthetic Studio. Did you know our tiny town offered all these wonderful services? I love Hico.
After 6 years with ALS and recently experiencing the debilitating effects of depression and anxiety, I can confidently say that the only way to survive this thing called life is to lean in and love one another. Thank you for loving me through this.